I have been here for 9 days, virtually locked in my home to avoid the fire and it consequences. Granted you would say this is a minimal sentence for sinning but I can assure you, I have been in Hell.
My first mistake was trying to explain what living through Hell is like. When one see embers floating by you larger than those which can ignite the night, this changes one’s vision to a new perspective. When one sees photos and videos of all you think you know that flames, maybe then can one truly glimpse a tiny bit into Hates. Then when one sits and watches for 9 days the reality of being or not being, what the heck, who cares if I am damned and anything about the life thereafter.
Now near the end of this moment of introspection, I again pause. What prevails but this faint glimpse into who I am. Maybe on the deepest of Hell, the consequence of a worst way to go, I should have learned there is more to who I am, to who I want to be. Finalizing to do so without an answer leaves many ways I can go. If it was left to me, where to choose the beginning and especially the end, gives my reality a new perspective. My escape is to squint tightly and try to envision who I want to be.
The conclusion to this tale. I have been here once too often. It is a familiar unwanted place. Much like the fires that surround, they blaze, they conquer and then fade away. Much like my being, it has come, it has been and then it needs to be again. Only I can ignite my soul. Only I can show it the way. Only I can write this ending which is left to me, which is ………………….
Thanks to all who have offered me solace during these difficult times, this true glimpse into this vision of Hell. When one stares into the fire and sees the dancing demons for what they are, for what they be, you come away scalded with the truth. Fire is an illusion till you stare into its soul. Then and only then are you consumed by its being, you become its flame, you are transformed. Then you are no more than what you wrought.